Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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