All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
