i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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