Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
