He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
