My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Someone shattered a urinal.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
