I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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