She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
