I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
