I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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