i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
