the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
