I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
