I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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