After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
