I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
