So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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