Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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