my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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