my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Success! We fucked roommates!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
