haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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