ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize