There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
How external is "for external use only"?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
