I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Randomize
