TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
