he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
