No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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