Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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