just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
