Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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