Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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