ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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