Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
