There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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