fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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