Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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