dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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