fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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