ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize