check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
