I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
