I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
