Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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