Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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