I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
