Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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