i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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