remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize