The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
