wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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