GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
