I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
