Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
