what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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