If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
