Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i dont even know how to be here
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
