people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
