I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
