U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize