i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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