someone get that fucking seahorse.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
