Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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