she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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