brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
