Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
