I think I just saw someone hide a body.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
