First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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