we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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