What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
