I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
