fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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