It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
