alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
