Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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