I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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