omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
