I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
