Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
